Why Chaplaincy?

Many people ask why I have chosen chaplaincy instead of becoming a pastor or working on staff at a church on non-profit. I am one of the odd people who actually loves crisis and walking with people in deep sadness. I am so thankful for the people who walked with me during my mom's final days and the weeks following her death. I will never forget my first night on call at the hospital - I had three deaths in one night and I was exhausted but wanted to make sure each family got the most loving care I could muster up in the wee hours of the night. People never forget how they are told about the passing of a loved one and they never forget the care (or lack of it) they are given in the time surrounding the event.

My friend Jill contacted me the week my mom went on hospice (my mom passed after only 3 days of hospice) and she was AMAZING. She made a list of all of the contacts from my phone so she could call my friends when I told her that my mom died. She ran errands, organized meals, picked up out of town guests from the airport etc. I called her about 15 minutes before my mom died and told her to come quickly. She arrived just in time and grabbed my phone, updated my facebook and started making calls for me. She sat with me for a long time that night. The next day she picked me up in the morning and we went to get manicure and pedicures. She took me shopping for clothes for the viewing and the funeral (I hadn't packed this because I didn't think my mom would die so quickly when I packed to head to my mom's house that week) Jill answered my cell phone all day and would give me the phone if I wanted to talk and if not, she would take messages and give people info about the funeral. She called and got an appointment for me to get my hair cut and she made sure I had food and drinks throughout the day. When you are in shock, you can forget to do the basic stuff like drink enough water and eat! The morning of the funeral, she showed up with a bag of goodies for my purse like gum, lip gloss, note pad, soft tissues for the tears I would be shedding etc. Jill thought of everything and made my week from hell less awful. I am not able to do this for all of my patients of course but I recommend that everyone have a "Jill-friend" if they know a loved one will pass. Hospice patients and families have this luxury.  Often times when you get a call at the hospital, it is a sudden passing and then I recommend a family member or friend take over the cell phone of the person closest to the patient who passed. This allows the immediate family to grieve and snuggled with their loved on without recounting the story over and over and over on the phone.

One of the big things Jill did for me was to think ahead of what I would need. I'm a smart, high functioning person but I had never experienced a loss like this. Jill was constantly one step ahead and made the days after the funeral so much smoother. My sweet husband came immediately to Arlington after my mom passed and asked what he could do. I actually just wanted him to grieve the loss with me and I was happy to have Jill do everything else. EVERYONE grieves differently. Some people may have preferred to have their husband be the "Jill-friend" but I wanted him in a different role.

I hope the above gives some helpful ways for you to bless your friends/family/loved ones when a loss occurs.