I am asked frequently how to help in fetal demise situations. This can be anything from an early pregnancy miscarriage to mid-pregnancy diagnosis of the baby's incompatibility with life outside the womb to stillbirth etc. As a chaplain and a friend, I have walked with many women down this horrific journey.
I will share stories in a later post but for want to give you some of my favorite resources.
1) One of the frustrating aspects of early term pregnancy loss is that you do not get to see or touch or hold your baby. This website shows pictures of what your baby likely looked like in the womb.
http://www.stillbirthday.com/gestational-age-of-your-baby/
2) Funerals/burials/cremations
One of the first families I worked with opted to have an open casket funeral and then bury the baby in a country cemetery where the mom grew up. The mom planned to live in that area for a long time so it made sense to bury her baby where she could go and visit the grave. Other families are more transient so choose to go with cremation because the ashes can be easily transported. One of my friend's took her baby's ashes to the beach and distributed them along the shore. Another friend turned her baby's ashes into jewelry so she would wear her baby. There are tons of creative way to celebrate the life and death of baby. My friend Stevie did an amazing job. She took everything from Baby Aria's nursery (crib, rocking chair, decorations) and put them at the front of the funeral home.When you walked in the parlor area, there were markers and cards so guests could write notes to Aria or Stevie and put them in a box. Tons of Aria's clothes etc were delicately placed around this area. Instead of using a casket, Aria was placed in the crib for people to walk by and pay their respects at the end of the service. Before and during the service, guests took turns holding her little body. The funeral director embalmed the baby to 9 pounds and 12 ounces so she would feel like she did at birth. Stevie dressed her in a precious outfit and we used a blanket to wrap her. After the funeral, everyone went outside and held hot pink balloons in a circle. Stevie and her husband and stepdaughter stood in the middle. The pastor talked about the circle representing how much love that was there and would be there to support Stevie through this loss. Everyone then released their balloons to heaven. It was beautiful.
Other people prefer to have their babies cremated and then keep the ashes in an urn at home and skip the funeral service entirely. I personally think it is very important to have SOME kind of ceremony (even a tiny one with two or three people) to memorialize the life of your baby, not matter what age he or she was.
MORE resources will be under the 'for families' page!
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